Being a single Mom is highly rewarding but can be very challenging. I have three beautiful children, whom I have had to raise basically all by myself. Well, my youngest, who is now five does not know her father. For many years, my older two children and I lived with their father but he was never there. I was a stay-at-home Mom and tried to find opportunities to work from home, so I could stay with my children and to help increase our income. However, doing this was very frustrating and like looking for a needle in a haystack.
As my search continued throughout the past years of my life, I met some extraordinary people who have shown me much kindness and given me valuable information to help lead me in the right direction. Although, the opportunities did not pan out for me, I knew each one of them were stepping-stones, paving the path before me. I believe everything in our lives happen for a reason and mine was to reveal the strength of the woman inside of me.
After years of abuse, my children and I left their father. Not only was I a single Mom, now, but I found out shortly after leaving I was nine weeks pregnant. This compelled to dig my feet deeper into the ground like the Flintstones, which was not easy for me to do. This would require patients, diligence, perseverance, steadfastness and a willingness to do what I had to do to achieve my goals. This was a very painful and unbearable time in my life but I knew I had to be consistent and not give up, no matter what. I worked for a mortgage company while I was pregnant but things changed within the company and I was unable to return. I thought, "Here I go, again."
With all the ups and downs, I felt like I was on a roller coaster. This caused me to analyze my life and look at it carefully to see what changes needed to be made. I put my own self under the microscope searching deep within. There was not one part of me that was not tired from the endless efforts to survive. I hit rock bottom and lost almost everything I had, including my dignity and self-respect. There was no support as everyone in my life left or betrayed me, including my family. I was criticized for my every move and I felt so alone. I love my children with every breath in my whole being and would not trade them for anything. Everything I do, I do for them. Yet, I felt like such a failure and worthless as a person, Mom and provider.
Realizing I was alone and on my own was so painful for me and I was beginning to wonder if things would ever change for me. I cannot tell you all the times I have cried myself to sleep, tossing and turning only to waken with the same hollow and gripping pain of hopelessness. I would hold my little girl (still do) with such pain in my heart as the tears run down my face, not understanding how her father could just abandon her and my other two children. My older two are a bit older than her and do know their father but she didn't get that opportunity. How can this be fair, especially when she goes to her older brother calling him, Daddy? I think to myself, "She deserves to have a father." However, she will not know what it feels like to be cursed or see a drunken father who stays out all night and comes home crawling as he is throwing up, while cursing her mama, cruelly. Then at that moment, I have to tell myself to get up and go forward but that is not so easy to do, especially when you are alone.
I knew God was with me and He was on my side to help me. If He is for me, who can be against me? The Lord began to put opportunities before me, which would give me the tools not only to achieve but succeed as I achieve. I love math, so I enrolled in tax school and received my certificate, which has enabled me to do what I love to do, prepare taxes. So, I prepare income tax returns each year with a tax company but this is only for a short time. I knew there had to more for me. That is when I decided to enroll in college, so I could further my education. Knowledge is very powerful and learning how to use that knowledge is even more powerful or at least this has been true in my life. I am currently a full-time online student pursuing a degree in Accounting and hope to be a Tax Accountant some day. Going back to school was one of the best decisions I have ever made and it has opened many doors for me, yet has become very challenging all by itself.
My children and I moved to another state where we have started over from scratch. We do not have family or friends here and feel quite isolated at many times. I do not have transportation and the only source I have for an income is my laptop. I have searched and searched and searched, feeling completely defeated and about to give up, then I discovered the many opportunities of freelance writing. Now, I know there are many, oh, so many freelance opportunities with a variety of positions, but I chose freelance writing. I have a voice and can put what I feel into writing, knowing there will be many others in the same shoes as I have been in, wondering and feeling things will never change for them. I do not have a ton of degrees or experience but I do know things will change.
Being a single Mom is so very rewarding and even though there are many challenges up ahead, I feel confident, knowing all my labor has not been in vain. I can look back and honestly do not see how I was able to survive some of the things we have endured, yet I am on my road to success. Although, there are still times I still feel alone and afraid, I know we are not alone because the Lord is with us to help us overcome whatever comes our way. I am right where I need to be and my children are going to have a good life ahead of them, which helps me to sleep better.